Loss and Love.

They say that Time heals everything. I disagree. The wound never heals.

Experiencing the loss of a loved one, breaks us. It literally breaks our heart. It leaves us breathless, it leaves us with a huge sadness about what was, what would have been, what we dreamt it would be. And all of us have, are or will experience loss in our lives.

Time does not heal, time teaches us to live with the loss. The wound, the gap even if it looks in the surface like it has passed and it was never there,  it becomes a part of us, part of our emotional DNA and part of the new person we have become.

Loss of a person in our lives because of death or because of option leaves us with an immense amount of feelings – of love usually – that we wonder how, if and where we can channel to. Back in January 2015, I remember asking a friend “Where does the love go? When you love someone and that person is gone, is that love wasted? Does it just vaporize into nothing, as if it never existed? Can it be? ”

Sometimes – or actually all of the times – people come into our lives to teach us something about ourselves. The lesson, I believe, is always for our own sake, for us to move on. And there are many different ways that depending on our psyche we can reflect on why something is happening to us.

So, please allow me to offer you a thought that resonates with me: when a person we love leaves, the love does not. The person, as our private personal teacher, was there to make us realize the scale and the depth of love we are capable of. The scale and the depth of the love we are capable and worthy of. Because if we are able to feel in such a way for others, our parents, our friends and partners in life, we for sure are capable of loving ourselves in the same way.

And let me say this here: our biggest mission on this world is to learn how to love, not in theory, not with words, but with everyday actions. We all have our issues, we all strive to be happy and we all love with the way that we are aware of until that point.  We are taught how to love by our parents, which knowledge we test and try to our partners and friends, aiming to improve from one day to the next. As there is no perfection, we will also never be. But, when we act from a source of intention of love to ourselves and our soulmates/teachers every single day, we embrace the imperfection and we lean in, we listen carefully, we do our best.

Surviving loss passes through forgiveness. Forgiving, as I know and understand it, does not mean “I am fine with it”, it rather means: I accept it happened, I take whatever responsibility is on me and I give space for new things to emerge, taking my lessons from it. May it be the loss of a loved one, the loss of an element important to us, such as our job, or another part of ourselves, we need to forgive ourselves and whoever else involved in order to give space for the new day to come, for the present and the future to unfold.

Surviving through loss, an act of love towards life, demands from us a lot.

It requires love for life itself, just to be able to sometimes get off the bed…

It needs us to keep hoping that one day the wound will hurt less. And it will. But not because the wound changes, but because we do.

It needs us to see our darkness and ourself within it.

We have to experience loss in all its magnitude, in order to be able to live with it.

It requires us to give shape and form to it, place it in front of us, swear at it, hit it, cry with it and then bow to it, cause it has been one of our greatest teachers.

 

The thing is we cannot avoid loss.

The truth though is, that if someone or something mattered to us so much that we feel a part of us will always be with them, then it probably means we have acknowledged the love they have revealed in us and they have taught us to show. And this thought may make our tears less bitter in those moments, when the thoughts will come rushing in again.

Thank you,

 

Petroulariver-3

 

 

 

3 comments

  1. You’re right…you never get over it, you learn to not let it consume you. We adjust our perspective slightly at each occurrence of such loss, until the present ceases to represent pain any more. There comes a day, when memories of joy shine through all that suffering…we simply must push forward to get to that state.

  2. gonatastousomous · · Reply

    I had to read this passage over and over again to grasp its broadness and deepness. Because on every new post you make a point so intense, so greatly presented through the eyes of a person of amazing emotional intelligence, that in the end.. I want to add or comment nothing. And usually I don’t.

    In this one though, I will just add my two cents:

    Every incident in our life is a chance to learn. The more emotional exposure we have to an incident, the stronger it affects us and.. the more we can learn, IF we let ourselves ‘digest’ the fact rather than deny, fight, or even simply and (logically) accept it ‘unprocessed’.

    You ‘weave’ three emotions: loss, love, forgiveness.
    Loss is experienced because of love. Forgiveness though is not experienced as a result of either loss or love. Forgiveness is an essential attribute of a person for that person to be capable of delivering love, subject to several other attributes and experiences. One cannot truly love without being able to forgive first. Plus, one cannot truly love without unconditionally giving.

    And exercising both these elements of our existence eventually lead to an emotional and mental liberation.

    So, as I see it.. the more forgiving and giving we are as individuals, the more ‘experienced’ and liberated we become in loving others. And the more our capacity of- and susceptibility in- love grows.. the more we feel loss when a part of our normality permanently ceases to exist.

    All in all.. the purpose of the comment was not to make a philosophical statement, rather than enhance the view of your excellent post.. and make this point: there is no need for bitter tears, because bitterness hinders love.

    Let’s cry for acknowledgement of loss and for comforting the storm of emotions that bursts on its acceptance.

    But every storm ends, and -as a wise old friend said to me- ‘the sun still rises every day -you just have to look at it’._

    1. Thank you so much for your thought. I could not agree with you more. Tc

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